Window Dressing (new title)
Window DressingI fear like living Hell that first schoolday.Meanwhile the summer seems to culminatein placid weather no one seems to payattention to what newbies contemplate.The schoolhouse is a...
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Dutch --really interesting. Due to my recent reading, I blurted out "quelle Gide." The first stanza is clear & conventional, & I'm not sure I'd want to lose the first line, but the poem really...
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Thanx, Mike, for the wonderfully thoughtful critique! It's interesting that you mention Andr Gide!I've edited into "relics" & I've revised the third quatrain.New version:"The parking lot lay...
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Hiya Mike,Quote: I look forward to seeing other reactions.Oh dear oh dear oh dear -- that's asking for trouble in Poetry Land, y'know. That's simply asking too much of all the lovely / endearing...
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Brothas & Sistas, pump up the volume -- Dutch, it's quite likely that everyone's just had a busy Tuesday. I doubt religious affliations come into it. Give it time. After all, it's a fairly complex...
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Hi Mike,Thanx for the vote of confidence, brotha!Hey -- I've revised the couplet.New version:"I watched, and watched in disbelief againa teaching skeleton hard by the windowpane."Former version:"I...
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Crispin, as Mike says, this is interesting, but for me it's a little too consciously bump-ridden. I'm all for variation in metre when purposefully employed, but fail to see the value in the bumps...
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Okay, my first impression of this was that I didn't understand it, nor did I enjoy the bumpy ride, and that's the only reason I didn't comment. And because I feel motherly toward you I have to say:...
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I hope the greatly improved version will draw some feedback. "Sic vive tamquam cras moriturus, sic stude quasi semper victurus."~ Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam (1466-1536)
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<<I hope the greatly improved version will draw some feedback.>>Ha! Your chutzpah amuses me. Okay, here are my incredibly useful comments, for which I hope you will be properly grateful....
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Hiya Rose,Thanx ever so much! Version III above!Greetings, Crispin "Sic vive tamquam cras moriturus, sic stude quasi semper victurus."~ Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam (1466-1536)
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